Sex Over 50 Guide
- By:James Kirby
Sexual boredom is not an inevitable a part of growing older. Many couples don’t realize that their lovemaking routine may be a source of the boredom. Some older adults may find that sexual positions that they had used when they were younger are no longer comfortable. This can be a good excuse to try new sexual positions.
The following guide looks at some positions for sexual intercourse, including variations. For instance, you may find that even the tried-and-true missionary position takes on new excitement when you experiment with variations as simple as altering the position of your legs or torso. As you and your partner experiment, tell each other what feels good and what doesn't. Be honest, be sincere, and be open. Above all, enjoy.
The Missionary Position (Man on Top)
Probably the most popular sexual posture in Western culture, the missionary position can be extremely satisfying for both sexes. And it offers a surprising array of opportunities for variety. One reason for satisfaction is the intimacy this position offers. You are facing each other, allowing for lingering kisses and full contact along the length of your bodies. The woman can stroke her partner's back and buttocks; he can lower his head to kiss and suck her breasts. Usually in this position, the woman has her legs wrapped around her partner’s hips or bent, knees up, at either side of them. She can spread her legs wide or keep her thighs pressed together for added friction as she receives his thrusts. Or her partner can try kneeling before her as she lays suppine with her legs spread and knees up, a position that might be eased by placing a pillow under her hips. This variation allows him, or her, to touch her clitoris during lovemaking.
The missionary position doesn’t allow for a lot of clitoral stimulation, so it’s not the best for female orgasm — unless you vary it a bit. The coital alignment technique, or CAT, puts the male groin in closer contact with the clitoris. Instead of propping himself up with his arms, the man lies with his body resting atop his partner’s and positions himself farther forward than usual between her legs. That way, the base of his penis presses against her clitoral area during penetration. In this variation, instead of male thrusting, both partners move their pelvises together with gentle, rocking motions.
If it’s deeper penetration you want, the woman can try aligning her legs along the man’s torso while tucking her knees upward until they are inside his armpits. For even deeper penetration, she can swing her legs over his shoulders before he begins thrusting. This is enjoyed most by women who are very limber — and the man should keep in mind that gentle thrusts work best.
Woman on Top
Also known as the “female-astride,” this is considered the easiest way for a woman to reach orgasm through intercourse alone. Kneeling or lying on top of her suppine partner, she can control the speed, rhythm and angle of penetration in a way that arouses her most. She can move her pelvis against her partner's so that her clitoris rubs against his pubic bone — an effective way to trigger an orgasm in some cases. Or, with her torso raised so that she is sitting on her partner, she (or he) can touch her clitoris by hand while he is inside her. This position can be a revelation for couples who have only made love missionary-style. Besides giving the woman an opportunity to control the physical action and increase her chances of coital orgasm, it also offers the man a chance to lay back and enjoy what his partner is doing. For many older men who have spent their adulthood believing it is the male’s responsibility to take charge of his partner’s pleasure during sex, letting go of this notion can be quite liberating and stimulating. He may be surprised to discover just how exciting it is to let his partner take control.
The X Position
From the woman-on-top position, you can move easily into this variation, in which both partners lean back and face each other, pelvises interlocked. The X-position gets it name from the fact that the couple’s connected bodies resemble that letter. Here’s how: Once you are in the female-astride position, with the woman facing her partner, she lies back with his penis still inside her until each partner’s head and torso is between the other’s open legs. Clasping each other’s hands for balance, move your hips together gently and slowly. Comfort notes that this is an excellent position for leisurely lovemaking because its “slow coordinated, wriggling movements” are conducive to keeping the man erect and the woman “close to orgasm” for prolonged periods.
“Spooning” (Rear-Entry Sideways)
Of all the positions for sexual intercourse, this is the gentlest. It not only requires less exertion but also is easiest on the back, the hips and other joints. The woman lies on her side with her back to her partner. He lies alongside her and enters her vagina from behind. In this position, the woman's back rests against her partner's chest as her buttocks press against his pelvic area. He can kiss her back and neck, fondle her breasts and belly as he thrusts. Also within easy reach are her clitoris and mons (the sensitive mound of flesh over the pubic bone). Getting into position may be tricky: If the man has trouble inserting his penis from this angle, his partner can bend forward at the waist to make it easier for him to penetrate. Once penetration is accomplished, the spoon position is smooth sailing. It allows both partners to make love without either having to support the other’s weight, so it is good for those times when you both feel a bit tired — but not too tired to make love. It also is a particularly good position for those who suffer from back pain or arthritis. If knee pain is a problem, small pillows can be placed between the knees to cushion those joints. Conducive as it is to relaxed lovemaking, spooning also allows for more vigorous thrusting if that’s your mood.